Confessions

I played My Chemical Romance VERY loud and opened a beer before 5:00pm today. My husband cleaned out his side of the closet and took the kitchen table and chairs to his house. There is no part of me, that I can find (and I've looked), that is sad about him not living here. There is a sense of feeling blue. So far, I'm pretty sure that it has to do with wishing I could go shopping. It feels like a time to bring new "me" style things into the house. It's the first time I've had a place where I was the only decision making adult. For the last eighteen years I have lived with someone who took great pride in a spartan, uncluttered, no-debt, household. It is important to "live within one's means" and I rarely chaffed in the atmosphere, but now?.,.....today? I want "stuff". Nothing out there really that I NEED. A dvd player would be nice, but then it leaps to things like a kick-ass laptop so I could update this blog while I sat in bed. I supose that I should just look around and celebrate the new found me, the one who doesn't have to hide behind someone else's career.

Tonight? I will go out with a friend. She is also seperated, beautiful, and bored with small town gossip. We will go to the next town over, eat at a bar that has live music, and just enjoy the moment. What moment? The "how the hell did I end up here?" moment. The "what took me so f*ing long to see how lonely I was?" moment.

....and celebrate.