rain in edinburgh

Walking in the rain. the rain. the rain. I've always been told about the UK rain, never understood what it meant to have a constant stream of drizzle until today. At home we have storms, the come crashing down and they move on, more may follow, but always in deluge/refuge cycles.

Melancholy everywhere. My goal? Be silly, be happy, be awake. Notice things again. Perhaps the rain, perhaps the bright colored umbrellas, perhaps only the way my eyes are drawn to certain people and not others.

Music informs so much of what I feel. This morning (at the outragously early hour of 8:30) I walked to a meeting, in the grey, listening to Audioslave on my ipod. It changes everything to have a soundtrack. Now, just now, as I sit in the pub, there is a song - I don't need or want to name it, but it evokes heart break and unfulfilled aching to be with someone from the past. A poem I recently read, something about an oaisis from a desolate dryness...It evokes this same feeling of craving something that you will not allow yourself to believe in.

Being away from my beautiful, vibrant, silly, and proud girls has added to my lack of grasp on the light and lyrical aspects of life.

I'm afraid that I've adopted an akward lilt to the cadence of my voice. Too much time absorbing the voices of the locals. I know in my soul that it sounds quite absurd, if I weren't so embarassed to be American, it might be easier to relax into my own speech pattern.

I'll be flying home tomorrow, a long day of travel, via London Heathrow, never been there. Home with my girls for 6 days, and then back to Scotland for another week.